Author Archives: Tabatha

About Tabatha

My vision for myself and for the world is peace and joy. Everything I post will be to this end. Style and minimalism are a big part of my life within my vision. Minimalism brings me peace, and style brings joy. I post on topics covering environment, relationships, finance, personal growth, health, career and recreation.

Finding “the one” (part one)

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If you want a great romantic partner, you need to be a great romantic partner*

I’ve noticed a trend in women’s fiction. The male hero is one-dimensional but loyal and romantic. His interests, career and friends are secondary to his love for the heroine. Women read these books and watch the films, and develop this engrained expectation that real life will be similar.

I see women identifying with the novel’s heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, and wishing there was a real life Mr. Darcy to woo them. That’s okay… but are they anything like Miss Bennet? Or are they more like her mother, Mrs. Bennet? Or like her sister-in-law, John Dashwood’s greedy wife?

I’m talking about awareness and reality. Relationships require give and take. If he treats you like a queen, you know you’re lucky to have him. But if he asks that you treat him like a king, do you recoil in horror, thinking he wants you handcuffed to the kitchen sink, barefoot?

There is no one-sided romance where your perfect mate will make it all happen beautifully. You need to take responsibility for who you are and what you have to offer. Only then will you find a prince charming and only then will the relationship last beyond the initial fun.

Here are some questions to help you become more aware.

  1. Picture your perfect mate. What are his main characteristics? What are his hobbies, aside from treating you like a princess?
  2. Now, picture his perfect mate. What are her characteristics? What is he looking for in a woman?
  3. Are you that woman? Do you want to be?
  4. If you’re in a current relationship, are you being “the one” for your partner?

Have I simplified this too much? Please comment with further questions!

As a side note…
Most importantly, please be yourself. Faking any part of it, no matter how small, will come back to haunt you. If you find a mate who loves you for who you aren’t, what’s the point?

*I’m writing about women finding men, but this is easily applicable to men seeking women (or whichever combination appeals)

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Digital clutter

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What is digital clutter

Digital clutter is electronic information that clutters your life. It includes emails, photos, videos, documents, bookmarks, and everything else on your computer. Just like physical clutter, it bogs up your life and ties you down. Clutter has been defined as a confused or disordered state or collection, and more than once by our online minimalist friends*. Basically, clutter is anything that takes away from your peace and joy life. Big or small, physical or electric, relationships or commitments… if it doesn’t bring you peace and joy, it’s clutter.

*Any distraction that gets in the way of a remarkable life [from Unclutterer] /Anything that is disorganized, anything you don’t need or love, too much stuff in too small a space [from Becoming Minimalist]

The benefits of clearing out digital clutter

  1. Get more space. Using gigabytes and terabytes that you may never access is wasteful. You’ll need to upgrade your hardware sooner to keep up with the storage demands.
  2. Save money. Hardware upgrades, bandwidth transfers, cloud accounts… there is a cost associated with digital storage.
  3. Save time and be more productive. Unless you have a spectacular search engine and use something like evernote to make all your stuff searchable. Less images and films means you spend your time doing something productive.
  4. Know what you have. A full closet leaves you with nothing to wear so you buy a new outfit. So it is when looking at your digital listings, you might just go back to Google to find anew what you need.
  5. Reduce stress. When there’s less to lose, there’s less to worry about. And if your computer falls over before you’ve backed up, it won’t be so bad.
  6. Enjoy the lighter feeling. It’s the same feeling of freedom we get with decluttering our physical stuff.
  7. Become less attached. If you really need something you deleted, odds are it’s out there on the internet and you’ll be able to find it just as quickly as searching through what you already have.
  8. Evaluate future purchases more carefully. Laying down $15 for an ebook is easy and online marketing is persuasive. Keeping your digital stores clear will help you resist.

How to de-clutter your digital information

Just like decluttering your house, this can take some time, especially if you’ve been hoarding digital information. Unfortunately there’s no visual gratification for the work, so I recommend the clean-slate method.

  1. Archive everything into a folder and date it. This is the equivalent of emptying your kitchen into a box and putting it in the garage. Keep the few things you know you’ll need and move everything else out of your main workspace. This means moving data onto another device such as an external hard drive. You can export emails and bookmarks, then save in the same folder, then delete what’s in your account.
  2. When you need something, move it back.
  3. Let that archived folder wait. In a year, you probably won’t be able to remember what’s in it. Maybe in another year you’ll be ready to delete it.
  4. Don’t collect new clutter. Every time you click on save, or don’t click on delete, ask yourself if you should keep it, toss it or not sure. Keep is for things you really love and actually use, just like physical decluttering. Remember you can probably find it again if you need to, whether it be a quote, e-book, video or photo

Need some inspiration? Read about Ev, who deleted everything… all his professional photos, his hugely successful blog and all personal digital stuff!

Update: My personal example is about music files. I have collected many, many mp3 files. I haven’t even heard many of them. And in the last five years I’ve devoted some hours to sorting and organising them. I even bought a specific external hard drive to store them. But since I acknowledged the reality that I’ll probably never listen to most, I started deleting and only organising the ones I absolutely love, working my way through the unsorted files as my mood for music strikes.

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Minimalist jewellery

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Minimalist jewellery means different things to everyone so let me tell you what I’m talking about: the fewest accessories we can own and use that show our styles and feel good. For me, this is a pair of dangling earrings and, once in a while, knuckles full of silver rings.

What’s the point?

There are more than one…

  • Owning jewellery of better quality. Means longer lasting jewellery, luxurious brands, timeless style and looking great.
  • Reducing the amount of jewellery we own. Means less maintenance, less storage, less jewellery and associated cases to take when travelling or moving, and less to choose from when dressing.
  • Having less jewellery to choose from. Means faster choices and therefore less stress, and always being in tune with personal style.
  • Being free of the urge to buy accessories on the spur of the moment, especially cheap ones. Means saving money, finding long-lasting satisfaction with the purchase, becoming a conscious consumer and being free of the lures of modern marketing.

How do I do it?

  • If you have nothing, go with it.
  • If you buy, choose a good quality piece of jewellery. It will look great and last a long time. This is going to be an investment piece or two or three to last you the rest of your life.
  • If you have loads, reduce your jewellery wardrobe. Cull the pieces that don’t fit your style statement. Sentimental? Keep a couple, photograph the rest and pass them to people who will love and use them daily.
  • When something breaks or wears, replace it with good quality that fits your style. (See point 2, If you buy)

The biggest “how do I do it”

Resisting the lure of today’s seductive marketing comes with practice. There are really two steps. The first is to know your style to the point where nothing flashy tempts you unless it’s really “you.” The second is to not buy, even when you feel the desire. Not buying is a destination for which minimalists reach. We buy less and less, learning and internalising that a purchase won’t satisfy any deep need.

Let me repeat this because it’s important: A diamond will not complete you. Another piece of jewellery will not satisfy any need you feel inside you.

… but I change my look all the time

Please go back to the very first, most important step of being a stylish minimalist. Find your style and you won’t need to change it. Happy days! Rest this part of your life and be at peace with who you are.

… but this sounds boring

There’s no denying the delicious feeling of a heavy ring or a jingly bracelet. How lovely to see the light wink and rainbow through a perfectly cut crystal. Try this: stop wearing it. Go without any jewellery for awhile instead of buying something new. It’s refreshing to go natural, and the jewels feel all the more special after a couple weeks or more of not wearing them.


Please tell me… what are your minimalist jewellery adventures, successes and failures?

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2 steps to tracking cash flow

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I’ve begun to learn about personal finance in the last couple years. One basic thing that screams, “IMPORTANT!” at me is cash flow. Cash flow is the amount of money you’re left with at the end of every month. So if you receive 50,000 a year and spend 40,000 you have a positive cash flow of 10,000.

Steps to financial freedom

A couple months ago I wrote about knowing where all your money is. Not the balance in each account, but knowing where the money comes in, goes out, and sits tight. The next step is watching where your money is moving, and how much of it. At its simplist, the goal is to have 3 numbers: money in, money out, and the difference. Tracking it monthly is a great way to start.

This isn’t a budget or a plan. It’s not a slap on the wrist or a pat on the back. The point of the exercise is not to draw fancy charts or feel bad about spending. It’s simply a picture of where your money moves each month.

Why you need to make the effort

Rich people track their cash flow. People who don’t track their cash flow have trouble sleeping. There’s no peace and joy in that! And just the process of being aware, not even putting in any extra effort, can bring change and raise your cash flow. I’ve started walking more to save buying fuel for the car. I’ve been making coffee at home rather than stop at the cafe. These are only small things but they feel easier because I see that bottom line every month and know it makes a difference.

Note: This can be scary. I still find it somewhat gulp-inducing to tally the monthly figures because it’s shocking how much the small stuff adds up. But the only way out is through so please take a deep breath and try it.

Let’s keep this simple

Step 1: The most work involved is keeping track of every cent you spend. I save my receipts and a couple times a week, I add them to running totals in a paper workbook. You could use your phone to record the amounts you spend, or just the back of a business card in your wallet. Even if it’s a small amount for parking or a tenner you lent a friend, add it in.

Step 2: Use a full size sheet of paper or an electronic program if you want. At the end of the month write down 4 things:

  1. The month
  2. The money in: how much came to you in wages, interest, dividends, gift certificates, bills you find on the street and other income.
  3. The money out: how much you spent on daily purchases plus bills and unusual expenses (insurance, vacation, deposit payments, etc). Don’t include cash you withdrew from the bank, only what you spent.
  4. The cash flow: money in minus money out. This can be a negative number. Don’t get too attached to it, it’s only a snapshot of finances in the last 30 days.

That’s it. You can categorise expenses, which gives less intimidating subtotals but highlights your bad spending habits. Do try to stay under 15 major categories, otherwise they become meaningless categories of one or two things each. Just remember, the monthly cash flow is a grand total, so add up all the categories for the bigger number.

The best reference books for tracking cash flow are Your Money or Your Life* and The Cashflow Quadrant*.

*Affiliate link

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3 steps to get something done

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I have not posted in awhile and I am not going to tell you why (read: make excuses).

The fact is I’ve come up against a wall. It has many names: procrastination, laziness, perfection. I have tens of ideas I want to share here but have not posted a single one lately. My time manages to fill itself. No matter how many hours of activity I cut out, I still find my days full with no spare time for writing.

I’ve struggled to take action, and weeks have suddenly gone by.

No more!

I will write and publish today. It isn’t one of the many topics I’ve made a note to write about, or have begun and let simmer in the drafts folder. It’s about getting the work started and getting it finished. We can want to do something, have super strategies for getting it done, be all fired up and motivated. But there is no end result to present because we don’t start and/or we don’t finish.

So. How to get your task done in 3 easy steps.

I know, I’m so cheeky saying, “Just start.” But it’s as simple as that. Put your phone down, turn off youtube, stop mucking with housework, whatever. Get down to something productive.

  1. Start. Carve 5-15 minutes out of your schedule and dedicate them to this task. You’ve heard this before: You need to make time, otherwise your day will fill up with activity all on its own. Work for 15 minutes on your task. Doesn’t have to be perfect, doesn’t have to be presentable, just needs needs to be a start.
  2. Continue. Set aside another 15 minutes the same day or the next day and work on your task. Don’t wait longer than a week! It’s too easy to devalue what we really want to do if a lot of time goes by. Break down your big project and work on pieces of it as mini-projects.
  3. Finish. Unless you’re performing surgery, good enough is okay. Go ahead and hit publish, hang your painting on the wall, sing your song at the recital, run your clunky code, dance your awkward but happy dance. Celebrate the accomplishment! Practice makes better, so now go back to step 1 for the next project.
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Minimalist unpacking

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Well we are unpacked, except for out-of-season clothes and the computer (we bring our desktop and monitor back and forth across the globe… works for us). I’m on a borrowed laptop for the moment. Being minimalist made my unpacking so easy. My bathroom kit is one bag with all I need, always packed. Regular-use clothes go beside the bed. Boots and coat downstairs… not much more to it. I did bring a handful of books that are still packed until I start working next week: a child-rearing reference*, my second language dictionary and notes, a holy book, 4 hour work week*, creative real estate investing and my cookbook*.

I can’t now imagine having 2-3 suitcases each to unpack and put in wardrobes and closets. It is easy and stress free to take out the few items I use every day and know I have everything I need.

Household items can be trickier but we left behind all but the bare essentials (such as baby bottles for the flight) and bought replacement things yesterday. Since we are minimalists, there is no need for fully stocked kitchen so it wasn’t an expensive shopping trip. Most people only use a handful of tools anyway. Do consider putting the fancy utensils and machines in purgatory. Most rental places here are fully furnished so we only need to buy things above and beyond, such as a waffle maker for the weekly family tradition.

Also minimal is the number of things I have to do, but there are always essentials. Not to mention adjusting to the time difference (-8 hours) and finding where to base our recreation activities. So I’ll be offline for another week or two while I get our house in order.

*Affiliate link

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Furoshiki: the simple way to carry

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I discovered furoshiki a couple years ago. As a minimalist, I use it all the time. Forget about packing cubes while travelling, I bundle with silk scarves. A gym bag to lug all my gear for dance class? Nope, a couple quick knots in my 1-metre-square fabric and it’s covered.

What is furoshiki?

Furoshiki is a Japanese style of fabric wrapping, originally used to bundle clothes in the public baths. Now people use it for bundling, wrapping gifts, carrying books and bottles, and decoration. Check out wikipedia for more history.

Two things: re-use and environment.

Minimalists abhor uni-task items. That is, we don’t like to own things which are used for only one purpose. The packing cubes I mentioned above are a prime example. They have become popular in the last few years because they simplify suitcase organisation. But they are useless beyond travel. A cloth can be used to wrap like items, and cinched to compress them if needed. The same cloth can be re-used in many ways: as a book bag, scarf, napkin, backpack, blanket for the kids, wine bottle wrap, shopping bag, handbag, neck or head wrap for warmth, cape for sun protection, makeshift sitting mat and more.

Re-use saves the environment because you don’t need to purchase (so nobody needs to manufacture) bags specific to the task. But even better, you can use furoshiki instead of plastic bags (or even the reusable cloth bags) when shopping. In fact, the environment minister of Japan began promoting furoshiki to the general population for this one reason: to cut back on plastic shopping bags.

The stylish minimalist in me has one more point. Your furoshiki cloth is in your colour scheme and looks great no matter what you’re carrying! Plus you can reuse the cloth as a neck or head wrap for warmth (or a makeshift sitting mat) if needed and still look fantastic. Saves you cash while looking great.

How do you do it

First you need the cloth. There are beautiful and functional styles available in every price range. You can buy online or make your own by going to the local fabric shop and buying a metre or so. Even if you can’t sew, you can cut the material to size and leave the edges raw, depending on the type of fabric. I use this unsewn option as well as square silk scarves.

Once you have the furoshiki, follow the simple pictoral instructions for tying. Pictures and videos are incredibly helpful, moreso than I would be by trying to explain it to you in writing. So below are a couple links to get you started. You can always search for furoshiki on the internet for plenty of examples. If you’re so inclined, learn a few boating knots so they are easier to undo. I ruined one scarf with a double knot that I left in for months.

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10 steps to peace and joy for your teeth

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Last week my dentist found a cavity in my molar. Not a big one, but it came as a surprise to me. Took the peace and joy right out of my day! For the last 15 years I haven’t had any problems because I’ve been taking such good care. But now I’ve made an appointment to have my tooth drilled and filled next week.

Even when we take the best care of ourselves, our bodies age and new problems crop up. There is no prevention for getting older. The body deteriorates and there’s no point pretending otherwise. But we should do all we can to delay the inevitable and prevent unnecessary damage. It’ll bring your health bill down, too!

Here are ten great ways you keep your teeth as healthy as possible. If you’re not sure where to start or this seems like an overwhelming list, start at the first one.

  1. Go to the dentist every six months and follow their advice. If you do nothing else different, this twice-yearly reminder will remind you and reset your habits (for a little while, at least).
  2. Don’t smoke or chew tobacco.
  3. Drink alcohol in moderation.
  4. Drink water right after eating.
  5. Drink through a straw.
  6. Wait to brush 30 minutes after taking acidic food or drink.
  7. Don’t snack between meals.
  8. Brush, floss and flouride-rinse daily.
  9. Limit acidic foods and drinks, and don’t hold or swish them in your mouth.
  10. Eat a healthy diet. We all know what that is, so I won’t go into details here!

Update: I discovered two more:

  1. Use plaque-disclosing tablets every other month after you brush and floss. This’ll keep you doing the job correctly.
  2. Mind your face. Bumps, knocks and hits can break teeth, even at the root.

Keep smiling!

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