If you want a great romantic partner, you need to be a great romantic partner*
I’ve noticed a trend in women’s fiction. The male hero is one-dimensional but loyal and romantic. His interests, career and friends are secondary to his love for the heroine. Women read these books and watch the films, and develop this engrained expectation that real life will be similar.
I see women identifying with the novel’s heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, and wishing there was a real life Mr. Darcy to woo them. That’s okay… but are they anything like Miss Bennet? Or are they more like her mother, Mrs. Bennet? Or like her sister-in-law, John Dashwood’s greedy wife?
I’m talking about awareness and reality. Relationships require give and take. If he treats you like a queen, you know you’re lucky to have him. But if he asks that you treat him like a king, do you recoil in horror, thinking he wants you handcuffed to the kitchen sink, barefoot?
There is no one-sided romance where your perfect mate will make it all happen beautifully. You need to take responsibility for who you are and what you have to offer. Only then will you find a prince charming and only then will the relationship last beyond the initial fun.
Here are some questions to help you become more aware.
- Picture your perfect mate. What are his main characteristics? What are his hobbies, aside from treating you like a princess?
- Now, picture his perfect mate. What are her characteristics? What is he looking for in a woman?
- Are you that woman? Do you want to be?
- If you’re in a current relationship, are you being “the one” for your partner?
Have I simplified this too much? Please comment with further questions!
As a side note…
Most importantly, please be yourself. Faking any part of it, no matter how small, will come back to haunt you. If you find a mate who loves you for who you aren’t, what’s the point?
*I’m writing about women finding men, but this is easily applicable to men seeking women (or whichever combination appeals)